Ever since the beginning of man we have wondered about what happens when our body dies. Do we move on? Is there a Heaven? A hell? Will I be able to have my Leica serviced there?
If you’ve ever wondered, Steve Huff (yes, that guy), has the answers. Apparently, when not rapturously expounding upon the “classic rendering” of Voigtlander’s latest ASPH M mount lens, Mr. Huff produces and sells home-made “Portal” devices that allow you to speak directly to dead people. (I am not making this up). Rumor has it that Thorsten “von” Overgaard has bought one to correspond with Louis XIV.
According to Huff’s “paranormal” website:
Each 2019 Classic Portal device is assembled, painted and tested by me, Steve Huff. The 2019 Classic Portal will feature the main amp, a custom extended grill, copper wire grill “cover” as seen above, LED lights in RED or YELLOW or BLUE (your choice), a dual mode reverb that is dialed in and has a frequency that spirit loves in one mode and a second mode with an echo delay that repeats what was said. It also will feature basic noise reduction (to eliminate static from radio boxes), Voice Control AND Direct Line Reverse mode. Voice control is sort of a pitch shift but seems to help with response, as it does alter the sound frequencies. I have tested over 14 pitch shift settings and found the one that works best for me. Direct line reverse mode is a custom pedal loaded with my reverse algorithm. Turn this on with the reverb and all audio going into the Portal will be reversed. So it should sound like nonsense. If you get forward speech then it is unexplained but spirits manipulate audio to speak, and this mode proves it.
I will also include an 6-8 hour rechargeable battery that is attached, making this the most portable portal ever. Each Portal Classic 2019 will also be painted in a custom paint scheme with auto quality clear coat applied for a deep shine and a more sturdy finish.This one will not come with any fancy crystals, gold wire, magnetic energy or orgonite. It will not have gold plated cables or the audio analyzer that is seen in some of my other devices and it will have a smaller capacity battery.
What it will have is a much lower cost while still being very effective for contacting the other side. The price to pre order a 2019 Portal Classic will be $1499.00 SHIPPED within the USA. These will ship in a 14X14X14 box, in a cocoon of bubble wrap.
Apparently, he’s not making them out of orgonite anymore, to keep prices down. These new, improved portal machines are only $1499/shipped, so you too can be conversing with dead people. Act now before they’re gone. [Editor’s Note: We have written Mr. Huff asking him to send a Portal to us for review. We’ll keep you updated.]
I have one question: Is Steve Huff completely batshit crazy, or is this some sort of sick joke?
Famous Leica Photographer Terry Richardson Endorses This Post
On a lighter note, Leicaphilia just received the following email from “Angel M”:
I visit your blog repeatedly and read all your recent post which are very interesting.
One of our website is all about Sex and Sex Toys. We usually work a lot to really make it more informative to our viewers.These info will be helpful for those who search for the same info. Actually both of our very own websites are in same category.
We recently offer a FREE detailed infographics about “The Master Sex Swing Guide”. If you are interested we are pleased to share it to you to look over.
Please let us know your interest about this email.
I’ll be expecting your response.
The interesting point about Steve Huff for me is wondering: When does raw hucksterism merge into true believership? Did he start with genuine interest in the paranormal and then drink his own Kool-Ade, or did he see a great business opportunity and exploit it? Either way he fits the days we’re in perfectly.
I did order my portal with yellow LEDs, hoping you will forward the infographics for the sex guide, thanks.
It is a business opportunity Ron. There are people in this world who will buy into stuff like this; more than you would imagine.
My very own sister works for a business that is just like this, she provides the “matter” in Sussex, and the company, in Boston, Mass, provides the infrastructure… and very lucrative it is too.
Monetising one website is much like monetising another, I would suggest.
The trick is keeping people and yourself interested, whilst maintaining the day job.
The spooky thing is, people actually buy these things…
Angel M 1, Steve Huff 0.
Actually, that snap of Richardson and the girl is way more frightening than spook machines.
If it’s a measure of current, aspirational human behaviour, how we are supposed to see ourselves being cool, then time for that button to be pressed and the curtain come down.
Trouble is, that would also wipe out more intelligent forms of life such as dogs.
For that price, and for a device of this importance- to the intended buyer- it would seem that going with a “cocoon of bubble wrap” is low end. You would think he could spring for molded Styrofoam inserts for the shipping box.
Wayne, you’re missing the significance of the word “cocoon”, which is something that wraps around in a comforting, soothing way…
Styro is far too of this world, the common here and now; Mr H, thoughtfully, is supplying the complete package, the essence of balm.
Essence of what?
(He said in his finest Terry Jones female impersonation).
But next time… er… forget the frankincense…
Not sure where I picked this up, but a particular photographer claimed that he’d taken fashion photography out of the embalming industry.
I thought that was clever, not to mention perceptive.
Tim, just rereading your first few words in this feature made me think about your concern regarding the possibilities of having your Leicas serviced in heaven. In heaven, they will never require servicing – that’s one of the advantages it holds over the alternative places.
That said, I wonder if it will remove the lust for image-making, too. After all, it’s possible that we are led to making pictures because we also crave the excitement of seeing if we have managed to get what we hoped to get or not. In perfect conditions, will the challenge die as casualty of guaranteed success? It probably could. Isn’t that the reason folks have extra-marital relationships, the excitement and wondering about the chances, which have no impact on, or relationship to the concept of love, which belongs at home with the real deal?
Fact is Celestial Camera Repair, LLC. ONLY does Leica. Doesn’t matter really, because you can’t take any of the other brands with you.
Also, Angel sounds little like Katya, who is fun loving Russian girl of 30 years who emails me frequently.
Finally, I used to visit that other Leica site from time to time. The guy always gave me a little bit of a used-car-salesman vibe. Even before this. More so now.