This morning, my husband, Timothy Vanderweert, died at 4:04 a.m. Tim’s most recent hospitalization was New Year’s Eve. It was then that he learned that the cancer he had worked so hard to keep at bay had become aggressive and had taken over. If you know Tim personally then you know he was a strong-willed and stubborn man who did not easily accept the word no. And yet – over the 2 years since he was diagnosed with cancer he has always and in every way met the challenges before him and ultimately his own death with dignity and grace. He told me so many times he was not afraid of death or of dying. It was the task of living while knowing he would die that was hard. Tim met this in the way that most defines who he is for me: through his photography and his relationships with all of you who love this art as much as he did. In developing the (100’s) of rolls of film he had lying around, reviewing the vast body of work he had created, and in creating a legacy from this wondrous, magical, painful, challenging reflection of our human existence that his work captured, he found meaning and reward in these final months.
Tim has always been the most talented and gifted artist that I have personally known. I know how much not only his art but his thoughts and meanderings on this has meant to all of you. You meant as much to him. When he started this blog it was for his own edification. It became something so much more. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for joining him in this endeavor. You pushed him to think harder and broader and to go to places that we all need someone to go to for us – so that for just a moment, we can share the vision they offer.
Tim’s final week was everything that he and I had talked about, hoped for, and planned for so long. He was here. With me. With our dogs and cats. With our family and friends and neighbors – all those who came from nowhere to hold us both up and help us as we lived through his final days. He fell asleep on Saturday after a visit with an old friend, having spoken to everyone he needed and wanted to speak to, after having completed everything he had set out to do just 6 short months ago. He told me many times he was ready and at peace. This was reflected in every gesture and word he made. It covered him like a blanket in his silence. He did not suffer but slept easily from Saturday on. His death was painless and he was in our home with loved ones around him.
This is not an easy loss for me and it will be a long time before I find solid ground beneath me once again. I know you share that loss for whatever he was to you. He made me promise that on the day he died I would create just one more post to let you know. This then is how I would have you think of his death:
since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;
wholly to be a fool\
while Spring is in the world
my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady I swear by all flowers. Don’t cry
-the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids’ flutter which says
we are for each other; then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life’s not a paragraph
and death i think is no parenthesis
ee cummings
Hits: 1414
So sad, rest in peace Tim! You were so unique… My gratitude for the great moments I’ve spent reading you, I will miss that but will never forget you. I hope God gives strength to your beloved…
Donna- Blessings. I went to high school with Tim and we hung out quite a bit. I remember him showing me his darkroom in the garage at the family house in Wayne and his love of the camera the process the photo and his talent was already very evident. He was all about black and white as am I although my photo skills are limited to an old IPhone that I use for my own art. Tim had a wicked sarcastic sense of humor and would have me cryin I’d be laughing so hard. He was quick to laugh and always kept me on my toes. Occasionally he would step on them! Great taste in music. Very mature observations. And always something to say. Of course life takes people in different directions and we eventually lost touch. Recently I had tried to find him on Facebook unsuccessfully but I did find his brothers page and was able to see a few photos of the both of you. Which brought a smile to my face. As he always did. Blessings and I will celebrate his life well lived. Blessings. Robert.
Thank you for this, Robert. Tim often talked about his growing up. All those years had a great impact on who he became. I have some of those pictures he took back then. Thank you for giving me a glimpse into that time.
I am so, so sorry to read the sad news.
Tim was one helluva guy who, though we never met, influenced me from the moment I came across his blog. I can only tell you that I feel yet another layer of emptiness come down over the top of my head like a damp, grey blanket.
This is supposed to be the era of mass communication, of everyone having his/her say, of filling the world with friendship and interesting glimpses into the souls of those masses of us who put pen to paper, as it were, but where the reality is really quite the opposite: we have created a contemporary bedlam out of the opportunity, a cacophony of electronic noise where we sit, isolated, before a screen, hoping to detect a bleep, a sign of a sentient being somewhere out there. With Leicaphilia, for all too brief a while, I found such a signal that I could tune into and visit during the solitary bar lunches, or, as now, when the day’s chores were done, when it was possible to sit and just let the mind travel out of the present space, whether it was a good one or otherwise, always knowing the trip would be worth the taking. Such an interesting, uplifting place to go. I learned a totally different outlook towards photography, so unlike the commercial one that was all, that I guess, I had previously understood.
Please accept my condolences for your loss. Be strong; Tim would expect nothing less.
Rob Campbell, Mallorca, Spain.
I am just one of many, many thousands of people who never met Tim, but came to know him through this blog. Came to know the depth of his intellect, his unwavering honesty, his biting sense of humor, his visceral art with the camera, came to know him as best as I could, as someone who would never meet him, but had so, so much in common with him.
I told my wife a few days ago that Tim’s situation was so unfair. The world is losing a rare soul who touched untold numbers of fellow photographers, armchair philosophers, and everyone who loved a raconteur, and that is how I will think of Tim.
All of his readers hoped against hope that his cancer would go into remission forever, because he enriched our lives as very, very few people could. My feeling is that we encounter someone like Tim, two, perhaps three times total in one’s entire lifetime.
You and Tim’s extended family have my deepest sympathy, and please know that my appreciation for photography, and my life, were made so much richer by Tim and his blog.
May Tim Rest In Peace forever.
Most Sincerely,
Larry Sawyer
Blaine, Minnesota
Thank you, Larry
My heartfelt condolences
My deepest condolences to you and your family. I am so glad Tim was able to pass with his family around him, and in peace. For so many this is not the case.
Tim was a good guy – we never met except on the blog, but this was my impression of him – a good guy. I am sorry he is gone. The world is a little less rich now.
All the best to you in what I am sure will be some difficult days ahead.
I enjoyed his comments
I cannot imagine your loss
may his memory be a blessing to all
Thank you for letting us know. Very honoring post. Prayers for peace and comfort. SW
Donna,
I never knew your husband in person, only through his postings, photos and a few emails. So, this evening I scrolled slowly backwards through several years of Leicaphilia… finally pausing at a tribute to Robert Frank… an acclaimed photographer who was definitely on the same stylistic page as Tim.
With pictures and words we can always look back, but in life we can only move forward. Tim showed us how to do both. He will surely rest in peace, since he was already there at the end.
With deepest sympathy,
Lee Rust
Henrietta, NY
Hello, I am so very sorry to read of Tim’s passing. Over the years, I have greatly enjoyed his writings and photography, and the few interactions I’ve had with him through his blog have been thoughtful and convivial. It is wonderfully comforting to read of how he spent these past weeks, and to know that he has been loved and cared for with such grace and completion. Tim lives within us all, through his work and our memories.
Love and healing to you all from Australia.
Inevitable as it might have been, I am still sad.
Bless you, dear lady. You are in my thoughts. Tim’s memory will remain.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I always looked forward to Tim’s posts as they were always very thought provoking.
The thread everyone here who admired Tim and Leicaphilia was dreading.
My sincere condolences to all of the family and the multitude of friends who will be feeling the pain of loss, my thoughts are with you.
Rest in peace
I am so sorry to learn of Tim’s passing. I have been reading Leicaphilia for many years. Like most others that have commented I never met Tim, but I came to really identify with his views on photography, so profound. I will miss reading Tim’s wisdom and reflections on photography. My thoughts are with you.
Such a nice picture of the two of you.
I am very grateful for the opportunity to enjoy all of Tim’s interesting posts, and comments, on the blog.
My warmest thoughts to you and yours.
My deepest condolences.
I am saddened to hear of Tim’s passing. My sincere condolences to you and your family. I enjoyed his posts very much, and he introduced me to (more) Greek thought on art. And many deliciously humorous observations of his own! I never met him in person, but Tim Vanderweert was a gem.
I am deeply saddened to learn of Tim’s passing. I have no better words than those already written by others to express my sentiments.
My deepest condolences to you and all your family, I offer. . . fortitude, dignity, peace.
Pritam Singh, Mieussy, France.
Donna,
My deepest condolences to you and your family. Though only knew Tim through his writings here on this blog, I can tell that he was a multi-talented, intelligent, and artistic man who led a very interesting and fulfilling life with you. Having time to say goodby and to set your affairs in order is a blessing in itself. This thought provoking site has meant a lot to me and I thank you for it.
Joe DuPont
Although I just came upon leicaphilia within the last year I have been captivated by the breath and inspiration that your wonderful husband ima parted in his blog. I’ve spent countless hours reading the articles and the comments. Our lives took us on some of the same paths – photography, racing bikes, and history. But his philosophical aspects were totally new to me. I will always be thankful to have been exposed to such a renaissance man and a leica lover to boot.
Thank you very much for your post, which is as elegant as Tim’s way of leaving this world.
I am another one of those who never met him, but were deeply influenced by this blog.
My most heartfelt thoughts go to you and Tim’s loved ones – adjusting to life without his always thoughtful, often sarcastic and sometimes wickedly funny wanderings will take some time.
I will come back often to re-read some of Tim’s posts – and treasure my copy of ‘Car Sick’.
Farewell, Tim! I hope we’ll finally meet on the other side one day.
Mrs Vanderweert
Thank you for letting us know of your loss – it cannot have been an easy thing to do. Please accept our profound condolences. Our family is thinking of yours at this most difficult of times.
W and J Martin
We share your loss and pain. He touched and inspired many of us, and made us think. We love him and will miss him. He is one of a kind, a special soul. Heartfelt condolences.
Very sorry to learn of Tim’s passing. Like many here I thoroughly enjoyed his blog, a sane and intelligent voice in a sometimes crazy digisphere. The world has diminished slightly with his departure. All the best to you, just hope you are all right.
Farewell to a man of evident humor, intelligence and art — and, I imagine, a wonderful life companion. My condolences to his family and those lucky enough to know him.
Donna,
My sincere condolences to you and your family on Tim’s passing. Even knowing that this day was coming doesn’t make the news any easier to hear.
Tim’s insights were always worth reading, so Leicaphilia was invariably the first blog I checked when I had a spare moment. Tim encouraged me approach my own photography with a more critical eye. He made me strive to be my best. What a rare talent he was.
I think the most fitting tribute I can make to Tim is to load a roll of film (Tri-X of course) into my Leica M6 and take some photos. If I’m fortunate, I will have his spirit there with me for inspiration.
May he rest in peace, and may you be comforted to know how appreciated he was.
I am. It is a gift to now not only see Tim in my mind’s eye, but that of others too. Its a bit like getting to know him in a new way. I am richer for having known Tim, and now, for the Tim so many people have shared with me. Thank you.
My condolences!
Tim was well liked and deeply respected by loads of people he never even met, like me. We’ll miss his wit, wisdom, and good sense, but we’ll remember him.
So very sorry for your loss. Tim was a great voice to hear cutting through the rest of the noise in our world. My thoughts are with you and your families.
We share your pain and joy at your lives worth living..my only regret is not having met Tim or you, as I am a decade older and dealing with Agent ORANGE issues if I lucky I will meet you both in Leica Heaven. RIP TIM you earned it.
Donna,
So sad to hear that Tim has passed, may he rest in peace.
Love to you and your family.
My heartfelt condolences to the family. We miss you already Tim.
I am glad it was peaceful. I hope you find peace as well, Donna. Your husband was an extraordinary man in a world of mundane creatures. I still count the time he asked to reprint one of my articles as a high point in my journey through photography. Tim inspires me still, and he always will.
I hope his website lives on, to inspire those to come. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help, and be well.
Thank you, Andrew. I will be processing my life with Tim for many years to come. I hope he will always inspire me to taste the experience!
My deepest condolences to you and your family.
What a life you lived Tim. Thank you so much for all of the interesting reading, thoughts, ponderings, and reality checks…we miss you already.
I enjoyed and appreciated Tim’s work and the spirit that he conveyed. Strength and peace to you Donna.
Thank you so very much, Richard.
It’s coming up on 20 years since my wife died and I still think of her every day, though without the sorrow that nagged me for so long. I hope in time you will find comfort it what was, and peace in what is. Tim was a remarkable fellow, as you know better than any of us.
Dan Kapsner, Olympia, WA
Very sad to hear of Tim’s passing.
I was lucky enough to meet Tim on the many group rides we had. I was always amazed at what he could do with that 250.
Outside of riding, Tim helped me with a few unfortunate speeding tickets. He was very knowledgeable and so helpful…mixing humor with a well deserved discussion on “no more tickets”.
So sorry to hear and for your loss…