So, this will be my last post on Leicaphilia. I’ve asked Henry McCracken to continue the site if he’s able; given he’s intimately involved in the James Webb Space Telescope, I assume keeping Leicaphilia going will be low on his list of priorities.
I started this maybe 8 years or so ago on a whim, basically just to say what I wanted to say without being ridiculed and censored by stupid people who run photo forums. I had no idea if anyone would read it and didn’t really keep track at all for the first year. One day I discovered the ability to do so….and found I had a couple of thousand regular readers, which made me scratch my head. So I kept writing, eventually adding a comments section wherein a lot of interesting people posted. I stayed anonymous; I wasn’t interested in pimping my work or making money. I just wanted to share some thoughts about photography, which I found miraculous on so many levels. My actual name is Tim Vanderweert.
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The last few months have been an experience. Innumerable hospitalizations for bowel blockages brought on by scarring from my initial cancer surgery, all culminating in total bowel failure and pending death by septic shock. In layman’s terms, I’m toast. I was discharged to home hospice, the idea being that I would die at home in a few days. Friends flew in from around the world to say goodbye. It’s now been 8 days, my body is full of poison (the colostomy they gave me has failed, spilling waste into my body), and yet I feel pretty good. All the folks still here are getting impatient, as am I. For God’s sake, let me die already. No big deal. No profound insights. No spiritual epiphanies, just let me go back to wherever I came from.
It has been wonderful spending time with the people I love. It’s been a fun time – lot’s of laughing at the absurdity of it all and lot’s of gratitude for all the love sent my way. As for Leicaphilia readers, you’ve made my last few years much more enriching than they would have been otherwise. Thank you.
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Dear Tim, if it really must end then please may it be peaceful.
Your musings here will be greatly missed as will your images.
Peace
Keith
Loved your book! Sits next to my Lee Friedlander ones. Shall miss your most excellent musings.
Best personal regards!
So sad to read this. Kindest regards,
—Aaron
Tim, Just know that you have filled many of us with pleasure with your writings, with your way of putting down words and images.
I have faith that this is just a chapter, that we come from a prologue and pass into an epilogue that, in its turn, is but another chapter. I have held this belief from the middle of my life with my late wife; it’s why I keep on truckin’, despite watching the bits falling off, convinced she’s getting impatient in her rôle as guardian angel, and that soon the next chapter will begin to be written.
God bless you, and thank you for being a bright part of my life in this otherwise dumb photographic Internet.
Rob
Your articles and musings have been a refreshing, often educational, relief from the absurdity of photo forums. Thank you very much for that.
Thank you for all the many interesting things you’ve written, I’ve enjoyed them all. I’m sorry to hear they say your time has flown, that you must go where we must all follow. It’s a sad day. All the best to you and yours.
Thanks a lot for all Tim, reading you from Italy and sharing a passion has been a pleasure. All the best.
Dear Tim,
Your news regarding your imminent demise is not quite a revelation, there have been many hints recently that something is “up”. Hearing that your cancer has returned and is attacking your bowel is very saddening and something that I can almost empathise over.
That pain is effing excruciating (I have bad Crohn’s), but at least in my case I know that with morphine and time it will pass.
Truly, your writing has been inspiring and may you go on up/down there, warning others about the dangers of GAS.
It’s not what you got that matters, it is how you use what you got, and you have used it well my friend.
Love to you and yours, God Bless.
I thank you for what you have done and I wish you peace.
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Thank you very much for stimulating my thoughts and increasing my motivation for photography during many years. Peace.
Thank you for Leicaphilia. Best wishes.
Thank you, Tim. I’ve enjoyed so many hours reading your quips, experiences, philosophies and general bullshit. You’ve helped me a little bit to keep sane these last few years. “Car Sick” was a blast…the book enjoys a prominent spot among the many, many volumes of photo books on the shelves. I will continue to check in on “Leicaphilia” to see how things continue. Hoping it will be continued.
While I’m sorry your journey is now ending, it’s where we all must go eventually. I hope and pray you are pain free and have a sense of peace. You will be missed.
Will really miss you and your thoughts, enjoyed your site, GO WITH GOD SIR! Thank you !
Hi Tim, it’s been a pleasure reading your thoughts. I have always looked forward to your posts. Thank you for giving words and concrete thoughts to my vague photographic sentiments. You made me think of what really matters to me and to stick with them. I treasure a copy of your book in my living room next to the work of some of the photographic greats. Thank you also for the time you had given me through personal exchanges off line. May your journey back be a peaceful homecoming. Three days back my mother and father-in-law transitioned peacefully. My heart is full of gratitude for lives well spent. My prayers, love and gratitude goes with you as well. See you sometime. Yours, Hector
Thank you Tim, for making the absurdity a bit more bearable. You have enriched many lives.
I was already missing your presence here Tim, wish you love and peace and can only hope to face my own disappearance with the same wits and calmness.
Tim
I’ve lurked on your site for a long time now – so time for my first post.
Leicaphilia is one of the very few intelligent and thought provoking sites out there. What you’ve achieved within its pages should make you feel very proud. Thank you for everything you’ve contributed to the online photography community.
I was so very sorry to hear of your illness and I wish you and your family a calm and peaceful time ahead. May your God go with you Sir and I’ll see you on the other side.
Bye Tim…
Tim, I don’t know if you’re still alive by the time I write this, but I discovered your blog a few years ago and greatly enjoy your irascibility, your philosophical background and your passion for film photography. We never met and never will, but I want you to know that your time here meant something.
Goodbye.
Peace to you, Tim. And, thanks.
As countless others, I will miss your voice. Thanks for the ride.
Dear Tim
Thank you for all of your insights and opinions. It has been a great read.
Hope you are at peace.
You will be missed.
Thank you for all the years of thought-provoking and informative posts. Godspeed for a safe and gentle passing, and on to the next phase.
Tim, few can face this time in their life as bravely as you are doing. That’s the incredible final note of life, and yours is a good one.
Brian
Thank you for all of it.
Tim, it would be an honour to look after Leicaphilia.com. I can’t promise much other than making sure your words stand as a ‘warning to future generations’! We need them more than ever in a world less and less self-aware dissolving in a blizzard of pixels. It was wonderful to meet you in Paris, and I am sorry that we won’t hear you commenting here on AI-generated photography or Leica M cameras with electronic viewfinders. Warm wishes, and maybe see you in the bardo sometime?
But…but…you can’t leave! You don’t have your Ducati Panagale yet!
Godspeed, Sir.
Well damn. Thank you for all of this.
Thank you, Tim, for all your sharing.
I wish you a soft passage and good light on the other side.
Goodbye.
~ Pritam Singh
Your departure from this world will be a profound loss. Thank you for a wonderful blog which I have always thoroughly enjoyed reading.
Go with peace, Tim, and hug your loved ones. Again and again.
You’ve made a difference.
Tim – I came across these words of yours earlier today, and was re-reminded of why I’ve so appreciated your writing:
“We can exist in the moment for no reason or purpose other than that of the experience alone, for the appreciation and apprehension of what’s in front of us.”
Thank you for your years of meditations on photography and mindfulness.
Peaceful thoughts,
Aaron
I am so sorry. Thank goodness you had that ‘whim’, it has been wonderful to be able to read your posts. Thank you.
Tim, thank you for bringing clarity, humor, grace to the one thing on the internet I really care about—Leicaphilia.
Thank you for giving your time so that the rest of us could learn, think, grow.
May your transition be peaceful
Thank you Tim!
I am so sorry to hear this… but I understand.
It’s one of my absolute favorite sites, no, it’s THE site for me that I’ve gone to time and time again, partly for my love of photography and Leica. But above all, because of the many interesting ideas, discussions and, perhaps, because I thought I saw so many parallels with my own life. Not only the age…
I will miss your ideas, food for thought and comments!
Kay
So sad to read this. Ive looked forward to your latest blogs eagerly. Always interesting, thoughtful and educational.
Will miss you dearly Tim. will think of you often, God bless
Your site is clearly written by a wise man, far from the ego battlefield the internet became.
Farewell, Tim.
Thank you Tim for everything. I wish is checked in here a little more regularly over the last few months.
In all likelihood, you will have departed by now, and we are all lesser for it.
I’m saddened that I only became aware of this place as part of your imminent departure from terra firma.
I’ll take the opportunity to absorb as much as I can from the wisdom here in the hopes of becoming a better man.
Henry, if you should need some assistance in maintaining t he sure, please ping me. I maintain my own WordPress site, and I’m no expert but I can probably help keep one running.
Farewell Tim, here’s hoping to meet you in the other world….
Thank you and I hope you pass without suffering. I started following you a few years back when you were active, ended up buying you book, Car Sick. I even went to your printer to have my own book printed. Thanks again for your inspiration and help.
Hope everything goes as well as it can.
I’l cite Leonard Cohen as an au revoir…
You loose your grip and then you slip into the masterpiece.
We’re all right behind you on this journey, and your graceful acceptance of the destination is a beautiful example. Godspeed, Tim.
Lee Rust
Tim, thank you for all you did for us. You made a great website with a lot of insights and wisdom. I will come back here, again and again, to get inspired, learn more and know that words of truth remain forever. Takeshi
Thank you for your time and words.
Your journey continues though not here.
I wish you peace and that all the good may be received by you.